This week

1st full week at work was all about absorbing information poorly. I struggled to sink in what was introduced to me. The charts, systems, early and long conference calls and presentations that made very little impression on me, except feeling that all important and something I must know. The stark marketing-speak disparity from among ourselves and to the layouts displayed for 'consumers' to see. If there's anything else, I just listened quite poorly for the week. I'm not sure if next week will be better, I have been quietly tensed and nervous.

Saturday arrived. I hoped to enjoy and soak in the rare sunny day out with Lucy and friends. The crowd at London Borough thought the same thing and we all packed up every single space. It was stressful, still the crowd disregarded the unthinkable stand-and-eat, long queues and get their food and purchases. It would not have made anyone mad, except me soaking in all the bad vibes. A normal conversation with Lucy made me mad. I gave her a hard time with my temper and acidic words which I clearly remembered using and hurting my family and friends. I lost friends and family stayed on. I have been burning relationships.

I could see why 'blood is thicker than water'. I could also understand (much better unfortunately) 'wanting someone's blood'. No one deserve it from me at all. I continue regretting and hating myself for not embracing positive actions. I'm very sorry to all of you. I'm very sorry Lucy.

The night arrived. England lost to Ukraine, Gordon Brown reported having poor eyes and Strictly Come Dancing began it's frenzy phase again. I lost interest in everything and went to bed sulking by 8.