The week full of nothings

Since the Wimbledon matches last Tuesday, I got Orange to re-arrange my phone package - cut down minutes and add mobile internet usage. Now I pay £5 less every month even though I'm still new into the 18-month long contract since January. I feel Orange tries to accomodate to my needs, a typical customer who whines on the bills. So good ol' Orange for now :) I've been surfing on phone for Wimbledon updates. It's been a strange and exciting experience so far. I learnt who lost and won matches live. The US Andy defeated Scot Andy. Yippee! Scot Andy is way too ugly to be a champion. No, I'm looking for any disagreements.

I haven't been busy at work at all, I even skipped one major meeting after reconciling with the fact that I'll be a pure minion there to observe and kill time. There was another announcement at work. The guy who hired and looked after my career is now leaving. A loss, though not shocking. In the bigger scheme of things, I'll adjust and get by. His constant advise was always about looking after my own interest. If only my motivation stops moving away, I'm left with silo-drainers and some great people with no influence on me.

On Friday, I went to a small party which started off well. The cab ride home triggered a trip of headaches and stuffiness. It didn't help when I was assured no one else felt that way so it's supposed to be ok. I was not the best to hang around with. Would that mean while asking for help and it's acceptable to get a response that everyone else is ok so shut the fuckup? I was disappointed, me and my expectations. I lost the need to respond, which must be peace for everyone else.

I woke up thinking the first day of sunny weekend would be fantastic. I was up washing the carpet and getting laundry washed. It was only 10am. I was ready to buy the papers, make a hot tea and bring it upstairs. I was ready to run in the fields nearby for some great adrenaline rush. Again, I received negative reactions which changed my state. I was disappointed, me and my expectations.

It's pretty alarming how I could manifest these poor expectations as my fault and failings. How I feel the urge to be utterly useful and busy. How I demand alot to learn, share and develop into useful actions, conversations and even imaginations. How low I could feel when there's just lots and I failed to grab any.

There's no muffins left.