Goodbye Sandy. Rest in peace.

Sis texted to tell me about Sandy being unwell, and it seemed she wouldn't last long. Two days later, sis texted again. Sandy passed away. Sis knew Sandy's days were numbered but seeing her go still left sis devastated. I was luckier by being in London, I didn't have to see daily how Sandy or any of the other 3 were slowly dying. For Goldlie, Khym, Boochie and Sandy. Mum was touched by Sandy's determination to live on. Even till the day before Sandy died, she still got up to the garden to do her usual business and walked around to keep herself busy. Sandy has always been a neat little one. She could be feisty and bullied Pepsi and the rest. She was always the most timid one and never gave us trouble. I remembered during her younger days where she wanted attention, by sitting on my feet and removed to move.

I wept in the train this morning, tried hard to think about other things to recover myself quickly. Good bye Sandy. I pray that you enjoy your new life in doggy land.


A note from Pa:
Dear Sumay,
As expected Sandy went off this early morning (8 to 9 am). I was golfing when Suyin SMS to me, She took a medical leave today. I came back at 11,45 am and started digging the grave for Sandy. By 12,30 we burried her next to the golf barrer near the swing. I am glad that she needs not have to suffer further. FYI. All the best.
Papa

I went uke tonight. Fun.

Tuesday I almost screwed up, probably not so lucky next time

Alarm clock went flat.

8.19am - I woke up by daylight, wondering why it's considerably bright for a winterish morning. I jumped out of bed, poo dunk and showered including shampoo and conditioning my hair, in my quickest ever record, dressed and ran to the train station, all under 12 minutes. I wasn't awake at all.
8.41am - Train journey including changes
10am - Breakfast in front of clients during meeting - almond croissant and coffee
1pm - Lunch in front of colleagues in train - dark choc KitKat and Mango juice
2.40pm - Meeting, grabbed whatever I could find in the room, diet coke and some cold wrap
7.25pm - Back home, probably half awake
8.15pm - I started work again
11.30pm - I stopped working, ignoring all incoming emails from harding working clients and colleagues

I am impressed - Virgin Media TVC

I softened towards this commercial when I first listened to it. It chose a subtle song by Mazzy Star, the overall delivery was impressive and managed to capture my emotions about the typical long train ride and day-dreaming experience. I'm not sure about endorsing the brand behind it, I know I like the song played in the ad.

Listening to the song on it's own, somehow has to go along with some kind of long ride.

Rihanna gig at Brixton Academy by Nokia

I got an email first thing on a windy and wet Monday that we were in the VIP list for Rihanna gig. I reckon we were invited though I wasn't excited about it. I was planning to skip it. I was on my way to client's office where I had to get out of London, then back to office in London for a row of meetings, back to back. I was just mentally tired and too keen to attend any public events. I was far more keen to go home. Glad I didn't.

We left the office unusually earlier for a quick bite, literally at MacDonalds near Brixton Academy. We skipped the long queue, got our name checked with a list and given a VIP tag. We got the chance to stay upstairs but chose to stay on the main floor. Rihanna performed almost on time at 8pm. She was quick to mention her sponsors "Nokia" in the beginning and quite abruptly. It was like her singing...pause and then suddenly "NOKIA", then back to her singing. While I only knew one song called Umbrella, I was happy and enjoyed myself quite a lot at the short gig. Her real presence surely over-ceded listening to her at Spotify.

Jay Z also turned up and gave a surprising performance. The crowd went crazier then. When it ended, we had no problems going home. One of our colleagues booked cabs for all of us. So I arrived home pretty soon after leaving the place. Pretty nice evening, a great way to start the week. A great Monday.

Weekend

Saturday I woke up at 1.30pm, I reckon that would be the case since I was very tired towards the end of the week. Still there was one thing to rush, to get prepared for a Lucy's best friend's wedding. Dressed up with the rare contact lenses, in a dark lavendar dress...in the rain :( Whole of Saturday was just strong winds and rain. Oddly I felt it was very suitable for the occasion, a great start for a newly wed couple. Rain and wind came to wash up the otherwise hazy path for the couple to celebrate on a clean sweep towards their life together. Awwww...

I was surprised that I enjoyed the night. Lucy was very sweet, making sure I didn't get bored too long by myself :P The ceremony was briefly held at the Islington Townhall. An old red double deck bus picked us up to our dinner place in a nice pub. We had champagne before dinner began. Dinner was yummy - soft yet crispy toasted bread with chicken spread, medium-well grilled lamb and finally dark chocolate tart for dessert. A band was hired and we danced to the music. The wedding couple were frugal and less fussed with the fuss of wedding preparations. Bride's veil was from ebay, cake was simply worded "congratulations" to avoid double charges for wedding cakes and gifts, the best part, were simply donations to the couple's preferred charities. Simple, fun and most of all, lovely.

Sunday I woke up bit earlier. Off to the gym by 10.30am and did a short run before meeting Glen and his friend at Japan Centre. Soon, I was back there again to meet Lucy and EV, in less then an hour for another round :) I had only brown rice tea and green tea ice-cream then.

I walked into Ecco to try a pair of brown knee high boots. At £125.00 it was far beyond my budget but it looked like I would have to accept that kind of price if I wanted something long lasting, durable and smart-looking. It was the last pair, I decided to let it go as I wasn't convinced settling with a brown coloured pair. Back home, I continued to surf for boots from John Lewis site and a backpack from Eastpak called Getter, 22L, K901, black 281 for about £60.

The thick of it - BBC 4

Quite funny. I like it.

About the show - here or here.

After six

I said "After six". My boss and colleagues heard "After sex". My boss very quickly wasted no opportunities to tease me again and again. It started from a Spotify moment. I picked soothing music, those that have no one screaming their heads off like Beyonce. Someone asked why and I said music with lyrics is only for moments after six.

After six, everyone should not be working anymore. Official knock off time is 5.30pm. Yet many lingered around, felt compelled to push themselves further more. Some seriously over stayed, dead tired and still working. Struggler-for-time claimed to have worked 90 hours in one week. It made sense judging from the crazy amount of deadlines to be finished, only by her. My average hours since I worked in this place has been between 52 to 63 hours per week.

Everyone in the team, would one time or another, probably a few times by now whined about over working. Everyone would admit to another to a certain extend, that such long hours do no one any good. Even if bosses worked like shit, because they got paid like fuck do not mean the minions like us should follow suit. Saying no needs helluva courage, guiltless aftermath and most importantly, a sound and confident mind to say no. That has for the longest time apparently, been a theory. A fantasy. An impossible dream.

For a rare evening, after six everyone left office to celebrate two colleagues' birthdays. First, drinks at the bar near office and then off to Charlotte Street for dinner. As I half expected, the infamous topic on working long hours sprang up again. The entire cycle on knowing, wishing, not daring, resigning to work demands and forever list of excuses on long hours. All somehow delivered and reasoned in well constructive ways. Yawn. The only time we stopped when some decided to go out for a smoke. I had to catch the last train home.

The after six comfort of suffering finally stopped looping.

Wish List - Jacket and Boots

I was given £50 John Lewis vouchers from the last company as farewell gift. I began to fantasize about jackets again. The cold reminded me of my last search on boots which I didn't get any.

Warehouse Military Cropped Jacket, Black £75

Ecco Flair GTX boots £100.00

Movember

Donated £5 for a colleague growing his beard, for men's health. Hairy, albeit a nice cause. So far only one male colleague is growing his for Movember in November, rest probably just bit more bothered by work and their healthy lives.

Remembrance Day and Guy Fawkes Day, events that bypassed me this year. Fireworks spotted on my way home from work earlier this week, Poppy donation volunteers around and I just ignored them. I was more bothered about unfinished work and getting out of the cold as fast as I could. I was tired for the entire week. There were colleagues who worked far harder. Crazy.

In South Wales I wailed and whined

My nose, argh my nose! I sneezed over six times in a row and my day became less enjoyable. In a room with a 90-year old lady and her family including her grandchildren, I felt asleep as they continued to engage in family conversations - hearing aid annual package, changing the on-off switch to be bigger button on the aid, overpriced £70 icing cake that looked more for a 9-year old than a 90-year old, photos of her son's summer home in Greece and rock cake baking ingredients. I got knudged, awoken and was invited for a walk to save myself from further embarrassment. As things supposed to get better, I called home to wish sister Happy Birthday. Mum was the last person I spoke to before I ended the call. Tears welled up and I cried missing home. More sniffing and tissues. I wasn't in absolute top form, I still felt terribly tired from the moment I woke up and nose had been flowing all morning. I slept all the way back in the car. Nose behaved much better after that. I could enjoy dinner and watching random TV shows.

I wanted to get away from work, took a train on Friday evening to get out of London. I wasn't very good at getting rid of it completely. There was my company phone E71 with emails still flooding in, reminding me on urgent issues to be handled. I would need to manage these far better, to be more in control. To say no without feeling terribly sorry and guilty. To negotiated without feeling I might loose. To feel alright when I do not read emails cc to me.

To have a great weekend with a clear head, and clear nose.

Hate Royal Mail - Lovefilm

Easy to blame Royal Mail strikes because they deserved it. Lovefilm decided to manage our expectations:

Hi (name),

As you may know, national postal strikes at the end of last week affected all deliveries and collections across the UK.

We have been equally frustrated by the strike and so you don’t forget how much we love you, we’re committed to making up for any loss of viewing you may experience – and here’s how:

1. Let us know how your DVD rental service has been affected. We'll credit your account with extra rentals for use when the strike is over.
2. You also now have free digital credits on your account (the same as your monthly DVD allowance) which you can see here.

These will allow you to watch selected titles from our new Watch Online service. If you haven’t used Watch Online before, it’s like the iPlayer but for movies. Your credits are absolutely free. You’ll be able to enjoy selected movies that are streamed instantly, direct to your computer, and so are happily unaffected by postal delays.

We will, of course, continue to update you with any relevant information via the website. In the meantime, thanks for bearing with us.

Best wishes,
The LOVEFiLM Team

I like this - Wallace and Gromit at www.Google.com

Capability is damaging confidence.
Confidence is damaging capability.

I can't even decide which is right. All Cs sucked big time right now.

No matter what, I survived Tuesday.

Monday

Sooooooooooooooooooo many things! Tuesday will be worse, back to back meetings and nooooooooooooooooooo lunch time for just lunch.

Weekend

I worked most hours last weekend, knowing roughly what I had to do. Not clearly how it could be delivered most effectively. I hate the fear of not catching up, not knowing clearly, the bulk of great work's demands and most of all, dreaming about work.

Saturday

I had fun. Thanks Kings for inviting me to his 40th birthday party at the Royal Geo Society. Thanks Bru for encouraging me to sing, I sang Fly Me to the Moon. It happened to be their friend's wedding song. Lovely. Thanks to Lu for being there and all of the above.

Wish List - Kathmanthu, Method 18L black packbag

Method Pack v2. I'll need to go check it out. It weighs only 600g.

Free going smarter, or determined to make Free relevant in our lives

Yahoo produced new short-cuts so that we do not have to leave Yahoo Mail at all to send pictures from our flickr albums as well as facebook updates.

Facebook has began delegation work - urging us to encourage friends who rarely use their Facebook accounts to use it again.

I am impressed - simply trend tracker Trendistic

Trendistic is not unique but useful enough to track trends on top levels. I was browsing through today's Guardian and spotted a section called Tools of the Trade. It featured three useful tools to track what's most talked about in Twitter. There are several other trend sites and Trendistic appeal to me most. As I was searching about phones, I decided to try Trendistic using phone brands. Nothing too surprising, iphone came up tops. The chart showed a sharp increased on chats on Oct 22 experienced about iphone and Nokia - reminded me of an article I read last week about Nokia suing iphone over 10 patent rights. The article triggered lots of posts. Another interesting tracking done by Guardian on BNP, read about it more here. Oh yes, need to register to view 90 and 180 days results, it's free.

The new routine of limited fresh air

The week of 20 Oct was about long conference calls, reacting to requests from emails, back to back meetings, late and 10-15min lunches at the office cafe and no exercise. I realised I ate out every night, either with colleagues for bonding purposes or catch-up with friends I haven't met for a while. Eating out and talking to non colleagues kind off helped me to unwind, therefore enabled me to manage a fair good sleep, instead of sleepless nights worrying about work I couldn't do well. Lucy said I have been very hard on myself. I couldn't understand I struggled, perhaps wrong job for me? Worse, in the abyss of delusions and lies to myself. As I began to doubt myself, I began to doubt everything else.

I wasn't comforted at all by the fact I was not the only one having a tough time. Their issues didn't matter to me. One received tons of complaints over some printing quality and Struggler-for-time had a tiff with our boss. The tiff was just a tipping point of her being new to hard London, long working hours and being alone. The stress could drive anyone nuts. My tough week was her every week since she joined the group in March. I felt sorry which she reassured there was nothing for me to feel sorry for. I dread the thought of every week being like this week. It would be fucking "mental".

Flash Forward, a showed mentioned by one of the people at a meeting was the new hot show. I watched the first last Thursday night and watched the rest today. I surfed online for spoilers to make sure I understood the show and hopefully the new ones :) No success on next episode yet. The show seemed to bring out the TV couch potato in me all over again, I was crazy about Heroes though it was quite easy to give up while being busy and then tired after work. I felt something to look forward to again, a TV show about people anticipating what they would be in 6 months because they saw it for 2 min 17 secs when they went unconscious. I love the concept and the darkness of the story line, not exactly stress-free show huh.

If I blackout for 137mins, I would hope I see the end of the tunnel for what I am currently going through. Can I survive in this new group, new responsibilities, stupid politics, stupid competition and the concept of living in the present. Am I sure about having a childless future, away from family? I'm sure about the choices I made albeit being clouded with mysterious doubts. 6 months ain't enough. Wait, I am contradicting and confused. Only God knows.

The sun is out as I blog, oh well let's get out and have a short run in the nice weather. Worry will return later.

Thursday

I was very worried. I couldn't think and respond as fast as others. My mum would say I had to stop being "mong mong cha cha", like how I was in school. I would not be able to get away like in the past. The big guy in the office wanted a top-line report and I didn't have a clue how to write it. Naturally the report was rejected three times. The other two who needed to submit the report done well except one of them needed a bit of clarification before it was accepted. My line manager ended helping me to complete it, it was in her interest to help otherwise the big guy just chased and chased. Apparently, the report was sent when the big guy started the meeting not long ago. He needed the reports to get a discussion going. I felt awful, terribly guilty that I couldn't grasp hold of the many things I ought to since I joined the group. I had an awful lunch and rest of the day. Thankfully, when night falls I left for dinner with a few Singaporean friends at Chinatown. I talked loudly like the rest quite a bit and that somehow helped to diffuse the stress accumulated in the day.

I have friend who just struggled and struggled to manage her time. She was often caught up by her obligations and cancelled our meetings a few times. The plan was her taking me through one of her portfolios so I could take over, to relieve her and manage her workload. The meeting requests came in and they were either starting way before or ending after office hours. She wasn't pleased when I pushed for all within office hours. I wanted to tell her "too bad, get your bloody act together". I wouldn't be empathetic and cooperative, would I? I was very tempted to ask our boss for advise but I asked my dearest instead and this was the reply:

Dear Boss,
Do you want Struggler-for-time to do "Project 2010" meetings all day, or do you think it's important that she makes time to get me fully onboarded? (I am not sure I mentioned it on my resumé, but I am the centre of the universe and Struggler-for-time is a small moon).
Thanks for your cooperation,
Centre-of-universe
;-)

Thankfully all meetings have been planned within office hours. So I would be able to continue with my own work before and after office hours. Peace.

Man of the match - Big red beach ball

The picture from BBC said it all. One silly Liverpool branded beach ball caused Liverpool to loose the match to Sunderland. Whoever threw it, allowed it to even be thrown, no how accidentally thrown would not be able to rest well tonight unless no one wanted the person dead. [BBC showed the scene and wisely pixelated the young man's face who punched the beach ball hard to ensure it reached the pitch.]. I imagined the Liverpool fans who witnessed the entire journey of the ball, freed from owner's hands, descended to the goal post, lingered around and distracted the goalkeeper during the critical kick by Bent. The crowd saw how goalkeeper failed to catch the real ball leading to the victorious roar of Sunderland fans. How the Liverpool fans wished bloody beach ball was not there in the first place , loosing points and widening the chance of not winning the Premier League Cup. It didn't matter which player played better, got injured or distracted. Blame it all on the bloody red Liverpool beach ball, the young man in Citibank-like dark blue track top who gave it away.

Article from BBC Sports, Sunderland 1 - 0 Liverpool here.
How the young guy looks like here.
Video of the freak goal here.